The bullies that we remember from our youth are a lot like those of today, with one big exception. Today’s bullies have new weapons of intimidation at their fingertips. Bullies are now lashing out at their intended victims using Instant Messaging on the Internet and with Text Messaging on cell phones. One simple click of a button sends a lie, rumor or threat to endless numbers of people. It’s bullying on steroids.
I’ve also found that some of the bullies of my youth still haven’t outgrown it. One would have hoped with age came maturity. It’s sad that they have remained so stuck in the past. The other thing about the new methods of bullying others via the Internet and cell phones is that they’re documented. So, if need be those things they can be subpoenaed (See #6 under Tips on stopping cyber bullying below).
The term “bullycide” has been coined to label suicides committed by people because they were bullied. Look at Megan Meier, the 13-year old Missouri teen who committed suicide after a cruel and sick MySpace hoax (http://scaredmonkeys.com/2007/11/17/internet-cruel-intentions-13-year-old-megan-meier-commits-suicide-after-cruel-sick-myspace-hoax-josh-evans/).
Depression, anxiety, and alienation can follow victims into adulthood and undermine a person’s relationships and self-confidence.
It’s been found that those who bully are more likely to come from families where attention and warmth are lacking, where discipline is unpredictable and harsh and where sarcasm and ridicule are frequent. All of these factors combined with a parent’s indifference and detachment are a potent mix for developing aggression in children.
And when a parent provides little supervision at home, and they tolerate aggressive behavior, their own children are much more likely to apply those same behaviors in their relationships.
So, the pattern of verbal abuse continues, because of the role model of the parent. Not to mention the problems created when a parent is in denial about the poor behavior or their own child. Sad!
A victim can be defined as someone who is chronically and repeatedly bullied. And they’re usually sensitive, anxious and insecure, because they’re bullied. They lack the social skills that can help deflect bullying, such as knowing how to use humor.
And if they’re being bullied at school and at home it just compounds the situation.
Bullying is abuse and it comes in different forms:
1. Physical
2. Verbal
3. Social and emotional
4. Sexual
And when parents and teachers do nothing when the victim tells them about these things they can feel helpless.
Bully characteristics:
1. Impulsive, hot-headed, dominant personalities; many are physically strong, with good or inflated self-esteem and feel little or no responsibility for their actions.
2. Easily frustrated; have difficulty conforming to rules.
3. Expect others to pick on them; see threats where non exist.
4. Antisocial and defiant toward adults.
5. Unable to understand the emotional experiences of others.
6. Have a positive attitude toward violence.
7. May have a psychiatric disorder contributing to aggressive behavior (for example, antisocial personality disorder, attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder).
8. May experience peer rejection and social isolation, contributing to an increased risk of depression, suicide and antisocial personality disorder.
9. May experience or witness violence and abuse at home (for example, by parents or other caretakers).
10. May experience lack of parental involvement, supervision and nurturing during childhood.
11. At increased risk for school failure and dropout and for future problems with violence, delinquency and substance abuse; in boys, increased risk for multiple criminal convictions in adulthood.
Sad that for some who bullied in our youth never outgrow it still experience so many of these things.
Victim characteristics
1. Quiet, cautious, sensitive, insecure; may have difficulty asserting themselves; appear to do nothing to provoke attacks and are unlikely to retaliate if attacked or insulted.
2. May be perceived as being different or weak.
3. May be isolated socially and report feeling sad or lonely.
4. May experience psychosomatic symptoms (for example, sleep disturbances, enuresis, unexplained abdominal discomfort or headaches).
5. If bullied chronically, may have problems with social and emotional development and academic performance.
6. May become cynical if they think authority figures let the bullying persist.
7. May accept that they deserve to be taunted, teased and harassed (similar to victims of domestic violence and other forms of abuse).
8. In rare cases, may harm themselves or others or even consider suicide rather than endure continual harassment and humiliation.
9. At risk for depression and poor self-esteem later in life.
Hopefully, many of the “victims” of our youth become stronger and speak out when it comes to bullying, because bullying is wrong. It’s abuse.
IMO…Bullies bully, because they have self-esteem issues and want to appear to others as the bigger person, but when it comes down to it the person they’re bullying is a threat to them. They fear that they will become a better or more successful person than they are. Sad…what happened to do unto others as you would have them do unto you? And there is the old “what goes around comes around.”
What you (the bully) does reflect on you, not the victim!
Tips on stopping cyber bullying:
1. If the cyber bully is using email, contact the ISP. If you opt for filing a lawsuit you can have the ISP served with a subpoena and they have to release the information about who owns the email where the cyber bullying was coming from.
2. If the material is posted on a website, go to the site’s home page and file a complaint.
3. If the material is on a website that has it’s own domain, then contact Whois (www.whois.net) and file a complaint with the owner of the domain name.
4. If the cyber bully is using a cell phone contact the Phone Company and police.
5. Contact the cyber bully’s parents (if the bully is a child).
6. Contact a lawyer about filing a lawsuit against the bully and their parents (if the bully is a child) asking for financial damages and if the lawyer won’t do anything about it one would have to ask why? Why, because what the bully is doing is against the law and when a lawyer becomes a lawyer they take an oath to uphold the law, not ignore it. That goes for the police as well if they won’t do anything about the situation. Check out your options.
Many of the thoughts on this post are combined from the following books and my own thoughts. I was bullied as a child and as an adult. One of my childhood bullies raped me, but there is hope, especially when one makes a concerted effort to break the pattern and is given the tools to stop it! Not everyone, especially the bully, likes it when the one they’ve been bullying takes a stand to stop the bullying though. But the only way bullying will no longer be a concern to others is if the bullying stops! And the only way to overcome a problem such as bullying is to bring it out into the open and not have it be a secret anymore.
Some online resources
www.bam.gov/str8talk/index.htm
www.bullying.org
www.cyberbully.org
www.easingtheteasing.com
www.stopbullyingnow.hrsa.gov
Government addresses for reporting SPAM
http://cc.uoregon.edu/cnews/fall2002/spamreport.html
Have you ever been bullied? How does that make you feel?
Or are you the bully? How does that make you feel? Have you ever thought of apologizing to the person(s) you’ve bullied? If not, why?
Please click the book that comes off the bookshelf to find books about this post.
Please click on the monster to find books that could be helpful as it pertains to this Blog post.
Thanks,
Christine Bean
www.itsagodthingbooks.com and www.monsterkit.com
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