www.monsterkit.com: Abuse, power and control

Click the picture to see a larger version.

Suze Orman, financial expert, recently stated on the Oprah show, “Sylvia says Joe used to tell her she was worthless and was physically aggressive with her. Suze says she suspected Sylvia was in an abusive situation even before they met. "Money will always show what's really going on. How somebody treats their money is just another manifestation of how they treat the people around them. He was abusive to his money," Suze says. "And there's nobody that would cancel an insurance policy three months before they commit suicide without it being a major act of abuse."

Joe was married to Sylvia and he committed suicide in November 2007.

“Sylvia had only $72 in her checking account. With no savings accounts or retirement plans to fall back on, Sylvia faces $450,000 in mortgage debt, $17,000 in her own credit card debt and another $40,000–50,000 owed on Joe's credit cards”

Those statements can be rather enlightening.

This comes from

http://www.hiddenhurt.co.uk/Types/faces.htm

Financial abuse can take many forms, from denying you all access to funds, to making you solely responsible for all finances while handling money irresponsibly himself. Money becomes a tool by which the abuser can further control the victim, ensuring either her financial dependence on him, or shifting the responsibility of keeping a roof over the family's head onto the victim while simultaneously denying your ability to do so or obstructing you.

Financial abuse can include the following:
* Preventing you from getting or keeping a job
* Denying you sufficient housekeeping
* Having to account for every penny spent
* Denying access to cheque book/account/finances
* Putting all bills in your name
* Demanding your paychecks
* Spending money allocated to bills/groceries on himself forcing you to beg or commit crimes for money
* Spending Child Benefit on himself
* Not permitting you to spend available funds on yourself or children

Signs of abuse from
http://www.statusofwomen.nt.ca/pdf/FVAW_Kit/Warning%20Signs%20of%20Abusive%20Behaviour.pdf

Abusers abuse in many different forms:

Emotionally
Financially
Physically
Sexually

And this is from http://www.nccafv.org/spouse.htm

Why Is Domestic Violence So Common?

The roots of domestic violence are embedded in attitudes toward women which have existed for hundreds of years. Even today there are numerous societies where a woman is treated as the property of her husband and he is seen as having the right to use physical force in relating to her, if necessary. Although not spoken aloud, there are segments in our American society where this attitudes still exists.

As with all social problems, the causes of domestic violence are many and sometimes complex. Factors which keep domestic violence from being recognized as a crime include:

* A lack of understanding that verbal and physical violence are learned behaviors, often learned from role models such as parents, relatives or friends;
* A lack of understanding that violence in relationships is often used as a way to reduce emotional stress, as a defense mechanism, or as a way to maintain control in the relationship;
* A lack of recognition that there is a high correlation between alcohol and substance abuse and domestic violence;
* Continual exposure to violent behavior in entertainment, sports and the media;
reinforcement of sexual roles condoning aggressive and violent behavior by males; and,
* A lack of public awareness regarding the severity of the problem with many still believing it is a private matter within the family instead of a criminal issue and, therefore, best left alone.

But there is hope for the abused! Even for the physical effects of it.

Nothing happens that we cannot learn from.

Yes, it’s called a support system and to surround yourself with positive-minded people. I know exactly why I became involved with abusers for so many years. Some never figure it out and keep repeating the cycle.

People will have experiences in life that seem familiar or similar to other experiences. Well, we keep getting the lesson, until we GET the lesson.

I quote http://eliastitus.blogspot.com/2007/12/lifes-lesson.html

“Life goes like this. We get hit by little pebbles -as a kind of warning. When we ignore the pebbles, we get hit by a brick. Ignore the brick and we get wiped out by a boulder. If we're honest, we can see where we have ignored the warning signs. And then we have the nerve to say: "why me?"”

Picture credits

Child with bruised eye
http://womensrightsny.com/blog/2007/10/01/dv-2/

Children of the underground – child in car
http://www.dartcenter.org/dartaward/past_winners.html

Facial bruising
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/femail/article.html?in_article_id=433256&in_page_id=1879

Home should be a safe place – cartoon
http://www.centerforhealingandhope.com/HomeSafePlace_1.html

Little girl covering her eyes
http://www.wmin.ac.uk/sabe/page-1010

Power control wheel
http://www.csufresno.edu/vpp/domesticviolence/powercontrolwheel.shtml

Arrest
http://www.nubar.com/realstock_images/f21931_5.jpg

And the teeth are mine – post-rot iron door incident and post-dental repairs